Hot-ified Celebrity - Angelina Jolie

Surprisingly, the role went to Zoe Saldana. And this is how Angelina showed up for the audition.

Ahhhhngelina Jolie. Seriously. Mrs. Smith? Gia? Lara Croft? Girl, Interrupted? She is one of the hottest of hot celebrities I ever laid my eyes on. And bless her for that. A woman who knows she's hot, and works it like a Ferengi works a client. It should come as no surprise that some industrious souls have taken it upon themselves to apply the only manner of digital enhancement that could possibly make this fantasy vixen hotter. And while there is some dreck out there, there is enough to really make you ask the question: would it be "Bluengelina Jolie", "Angelina Blue-lie", or "Cybluerg" (OK, maybe not the last. But come on.)

This actually makes her look like a columnist. Maybe a relationship advice host.

Dear Miss Cerulean,

My boyfriend just dumped me for a green tentacled bimbo. She's some sort of ballet dancer or something. He insists it doesn't have to do with her color but I don't really believe him.

Worst part is, I was considering joining the Order. My midichlorian count is off the charts and I have been having trouble making up my mind if I wanted to join or not.We've only dated a couple of months but I really thought we had something, and I don't know what I should do. Should I confront him about his colorism? And try to win him back?

- A

Dear A,

It's probably not her skin color, but her profession. Ballet dancers usually end up in seedy criminal mastermind lairs, so I don't think you should worry too much about this guy. We know he's only out for one thing - a piece of tails. He'll be in for a rude awakening when she leaves him for a Rodian. There are other snakes in the pit, dear. But I suggest you think about following your dream of becoming a Jedi - maybe a bit of "letting go" will help you with your feelings of envy.

- Miss Cerulean

This next picture of Angelina is her as though she were Pau Zoto Zhaan. This was apparently an effort at combining Angelina with other celebrities (or animals) as a contest over at worth1000. The other hottest one over there was Angelina as a giraffe. Yeah. A giraffe. Pau was the hottest though, for obvious reasons.

This next one was from a photo effect contest as well, at Freaking News.I find it eerily hot, disturbing, and electrifying all at once.

It's not so much the open view of her innards, her delectable metallic innards, or the fact that her face comes off. My worst thought is, what if her parts closed up at an, ahem, inopportune moment?

Yowch.

Which doesn't bode well for the next model of the Jolieator AI Cyborg Robot, below. Yeah - other than the tint being a bit off (green is beautiful too, though, so I'm fine with the frankenbot shade of green) - the designers of the mechanicist hottie below obviously took great pride in their work.

'Dandruff does not computer. Specimen perfect

So I guess my best use of my next 300 years salary will be to save up, save up, and save up while I fund cybernetic research so that science can catch up with this fan's vision.

That, and develop a stasis chamber or hydroponic sleep capsules so I can last the centuries til this technology is available at the local hardware store. ("Hey Bill, I need me a new socket connector for my robot maid Angelina. Got any in stock?")

And then my life will be complete.